She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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