1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
