Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
