I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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