Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
