I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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