he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
