____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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