"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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