Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
