She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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