you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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