I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
