She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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