I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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