Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
