i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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