I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I could fuck to npr.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize