I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
