I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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