Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
