Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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