so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
