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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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