Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
