he wants to bone in the snuggie
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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