the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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