he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
