DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
