please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
