i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
