I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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