i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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