This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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