Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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