I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
