Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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