Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Screwed.edu
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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