Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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