Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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