I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
