If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
