i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
