can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As shirtless as possible
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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