I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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