Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
