Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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