So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
