Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
