dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
