You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
