I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
