By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize