okay pat passed out under dana's car
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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