In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
