I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
