why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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