oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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