Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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