i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
