I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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