Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
