All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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