I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
