i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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