smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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