Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
