Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
