why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
