Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
