shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
