I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
